guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
