Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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