hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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