So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
