just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize