Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
