Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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