i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
