We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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