I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
