textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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