I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
