you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
