dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i will never coherently bang her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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