How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
