All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
