There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
