another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
