I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
