We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
