You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
