can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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