I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
vagina is talking i cant
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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