it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
