I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
