He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
