I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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