i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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