it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
