So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
