So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
