I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
