HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
