I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my being single is dangerous.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
