put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
