At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
