Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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