Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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