i jhust puked up my retainher.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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