Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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