my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
