and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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