Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize