He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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