btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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