i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
