I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
