I'm going to jail i love you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
