i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
