I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
