Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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