i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
