I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize