That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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