I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
