32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
