So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
