When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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