Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
