Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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