When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize