Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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