He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
