Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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