I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
