i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
