i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
