god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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