I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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