Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
