piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
