Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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