based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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