I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
