my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
